I don't know what the hell is wrong with me... I can't get over the C word... Do I want to? I don't seem to be trying too hard. I want him to hold me again. I want to go back to last summer. I want his lips on mine. I want the smell of his shirts again. I want to look into those dark eyes.
I WANT
I WANT
I WANT
I WANT
I WANT I WANT
I WANT I WANT....
But what I want is malignant. It's making me sick. I crave a bite from that poison apple so that I can be whole again.
I'm a sick bitch who can't move on. Was it love? Clearlky not. He lied, cheated, and manipulated me to drive down to see him.
HOW COULD I BE SO NAIVE? HOW COULD I BE SO DEPENDENT?
WHY AM I SO EASY???????????
Boys are my weakness. I want to cut love out of my life. It doesn't exist. I don't believe in it. Why should I?
I build walls--------Walls that break down my relationships. I can't trust. I don't want to let peole in. I'm a masochist--- I feel my heart race every single time I'm in that fucking town: whether from love, rage, hate, sadness--- I don't know. All I know is that during that hour ride home I begin to hate myself all the more. I want to kill him.
YOU FUCKED ME UP. YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING---NOW I'M YOUR NOTHING.
I use boys for sex so that I can take away-- I don't want a relationship-- I like the taste of the single life. Why be tied down? Why give your heart if it'll just be broken? Save the tears, pain, nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night to find your fear is a reality:
YOU'RE GONE AND YOU'RE NEVER COMING BACK.
You stabbed my heart and you took what you thought was yours--- you trampled all over it.
YOU ROLLED IT UP IN A JOINT AND SMOKED IT JUST LIKE OUR RELATIONSHIP.
What was I to you-- an easy fuck? No, you had other girls for that. You never were that sad puppy dog your eyes made you out to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment